1. Vampire Girls
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You know those girls who seem like they're really cool... until you realize that everything that's cool about them is something they sucked out of their ex-boyfriends? You know the girls I'm talking about: those Vampire Girls...

Teach me how to fix cars
Teach me how to drink
Teach me about Coltrane
Teach me how to think

Syd Barrett, Frank Zappa
GTOs, Stratacastors
Noam Chomsky, Iggy Pop
Zabrisky Point, PhotoShop
Orson Welles, baseball, sex
Burroughs, Bukowski, Malcolm X

Vampire Girls (Vampire Girls)
Vampire Girls (Vampire Girls)
Vampire Girls (Vampire Girls)
Vampire Girls (Yay!)

Make me compilations
Teach me how to drive
Correct my pronunciation
It means you know that I'm alive!

Kenneth Anger. Sun Ra
Hedge funds. Grappa
Raymond Chandler. Kerouac
How to play blackjack
Tim Tim. The Rat Pack
Karen Black. Balzac

Vampire Girls (Vampire Girls)
Vampire Girls (Vampire Girls)
Vampire Girls (Vampire Girls)
(Evil laughter)

My teachers gave me dolls
I don't know where Uganda is
I don't want to be stupid anymore
Take me to the Whitney, take me to the Met
Take me to the Louvre on your corporate jet!

Take me to St. Bart's
From my East Village dive
Introduce me to Johnny Rotten
Backstage at Saturday Night Live!

Phillip K. Dick. Cap'n Beefheart
Jerry Lewis. How to park
Jeff Koons. Glitter rock
Indian food. Pop art
Georges Bataille. Get Smart
Saul Bellow. Asbury Park

Vampire Girls (Vampire Girls)
Vampire Girls (Vampire Girls)
Vampire Girls (Vampire Girls)

How'd you get so confident? How'd you learn about all these restaurants? You're so interesting... I could listen to you forever! Teach me how to develop photographs. Let me mix your paints! Can I apprentice from you while you blow glass? Or I'll just sit here quietly while you think
Cosmopolitan Magazine taught me how to get a man, now you're going to have to teach me everything else. I want to be you. I mean, I love you! Introduce me to your contacts. I mean, your parents! Can't you make me interesting, like you?